So here is what happened….

When I left BBC, I hardened myself. I felt so churched out that I can literally count on both my hands the number of times I’ve been to a church in the year and a month since I left BBC. I am not blaming BBC, I am just stating the fact. Could I blame BBC? Actually, you know what… I do blame BBC. I tell people from there that I don’t, but I’m a liar. I have been lying a lot lately, and that’s one of the reasons for this post. I blame BBC because I had such a poor relationship with authoirity at BBC that I did harden myself. To religion and to God. I ran from God in that past year. I ran far away. I focused on everything but God. I prayed from time to time, but only when I wanted things or needed things, and I became the type of Christian that I always called a hypocrit. Then again, I’ve been a hypocrit my whole life.

I have lived my whole life acting completely different depending on who I was around. At school I knew all the jokes, I made fun of the right people, I acted like a hard ass, and I focused on me. At church, I was the “perfect” chiristian. I said all the right things, I read the Bible, I talked properly, and prayed well. I told people I wanted to be a youth leader and help kids with their problems. The truth is, I can’t even help myself with my own problems.

Can anyone help themselves with their own problems? Is that even possible? I guess if problems are simple enough it is. I always looked at it like this: If I just pushed through my problems, they would go away. Ignorance is bliss so they say. But if you ignore your problems you ignore the signs that they are getting worse. Then one day you find yourself at the bottom of the pit with no way out. Well… no way out, except one. Jesus Christ. He’s always there. No matter how far you think you pushed him out of your life, he is always there.

So this weekend he found me. Deep inside the dark forest, he found me. He did it in the oddest of ways too. HE found me and pulled me back by use of Michael W. Smith music. He used a television show on Saturday night, and then the radio staion later on. He called me back to him, and I felt him tugging on me. God is doing some good things in my life. I am excited about my future with God by my side. I don’t know what’s in store, but I think there is a great new hope.