it has been a pretty interesting ride these past two weeks… and all of it has me crashing in on myself. Yes, I am depressed. Yes, I do think there is no point to my life. Yes, I think the life of my family and friends would be better off if I weren’t here. If that makes me sound bad, so be it. I think I just sound like a realist. But here’s what I got going on in my mind and my life.

A new friend ….

Her name is Sarah. She is a 16 year old cheerleader. For some weird reason, she hangs out with my friends and I. We usually just play haussee or hang out somewhere, and it has been quite fun. First of all, she picked up the game of haussee super fast. I preferred to have her on my team when we played teams because she picked it up pretty well. She knows all the right cards to throw.

A recurring problem….

I have been beating myself up lately. Like i wrote earlier, I am depressed. I honestly, don’t understand my existence. I believe in God, and I believe in Jesus, but at this point in my life, I don’t know why I was created. I am doing more bad than good. I will go so far as to say that I feel like my years are numbered… and its a low number. I’m not going to kill myself… i feel more like I am dying. I don’t feel good about anything I do. I can be happy while hanging with friends, but its all an act. When I come home at 2 or 3 in the morning, i realize how empty my life truly is.

I don’t know whats going on, and I don’t know why either, but I’ll just keep on smiling and acting like nothing is wrong, and just before I close my eyes and sleep for the night, I’ll once again realize how pointless my life truly is. So, I’ll let you know what is going on later on.