I have a friend name Becky who calls it a “necessary tragedy.”

There is this sweet old lady, Josephine, who looks at it and says, “That’s life.”

I look at it and a lyric comes to mind.

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you got ’til its gone.
Paved Paradise, and put up a parking lot.

The thing is that, here I sit in my dorm room. Stuff is packed up, my drawers are empty, there is still clothes laying on the floor and some in the closet, and sadness has taken over. Last night I talked with my friend Becky about being sad, and we tried to look at it as the end of this chapter of life. She continued to run with the book metaphor, but it was almost 2 in the morning, so I let it slide.

I’m just really going to miss the few friends I made while here. I never even said goodbye to my friend Alyssa. And please don’t get me started on Bogner. The very man who helped me get through all the tough stuff this year. He is a brilliant thinker, and he was my best friend here this year. I know I wasn’t his, and that’s cool. But he’s the one person I confided in the most and I felt like we had a strong developed relationship.

And now its all going to be wasted. I’m most likely never going to see Jordan again. And besides a facebook comment here or there, I’m never gonna talk to him either. That saddens me.

Here I am… I am about to embark on a life altering, life saving, surgery. I’m about to change my life forever, and in the process I am dumping all my friends. I don’t have a “God-centered” group of friends like this at home, and here I am throwing away this one. And there is nothing I can do about. I can’t NOT throw it away, because all of our lives are going different directions. We are all moving on… with the exception of Alyssa, but she is still learning here at BBC.

Last night at Bethel Baptist Church, I just sat in silence. Stunned at the pain in my heart for knowing that this will never be again. This will never happen again. Never again will I listen to Jordan “wing” a lesson, never again will I hear and sing a-long with Alyssa playing the piano… and it saddened me. I’m not a cry-er, so don’t worry about that. I didn’t do that.

But I got sad, I am sad, and I will be sad. The joys of being home will help me get over the sad, but my brain and my heart will never EVER forget Jordan, Alyssa, and Becky.

So, don’t it always seem to go,
That you don’t know what you got, ’til its gone.
Paved paradise and put up a parking lot….

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